A Cracked Vessel

Writing to be suspended for a while...

2010-11-08T10:21:00.000-05:00

Just an update that I will not be writing for a while, as I'm doing very poorly health-wise. I covet your prayers for healing and renewal. Thank you.

My Testimony

2010-08-06T12:37:00.002-04:00

“The disciples came to him and asked, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?”

He replied, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. This is why I speak to them in parables;

“Though seeing, they do not see;

Though hearing, they do not hear or understand.”
-Matthew 13:10-13

I grew up in a secular household, one in which my parents said we were Christians (as if this were an inherited trait like ethnicity), but spiritual matters were deemed too private to talk about, as much a taboo subject as politics, sex and money. The only time I stepped inside a church during my childhood was the rare occasion when a friend invited me to attend Sunday school with them, until I reached my teens, at which point I joined a church and was baptized without ever understanding what that was all about, just so I could be a member of the youth fellowship there. When the pastor asked me about accepting the Holy Ghost, I thought he was a little nuts! :-) So there I was, attending a church pretty regularly, but completely missing the whole message, because I was stuck in a belief that we got to heaven by being good people. And I thought I was a pretty good person! So I didn't think of myself as a sinner, didn't see any need for repentance, and didn't know I needed saving. Those things were for the "real" sinners... You know, rapists, thieves, murderers, etc. But although I spent those years "not getting it", my late mother-in-law pointed out something very true... I WAS building a good foundation that would serve me well later, because one of the wonderful things about the youth group was that we did bible quiz competitions and we went to youth conferences in Green Lake, Wisconsin. I LOVED both of those!! I learned a LOT of scripture from both of those, too, especially having to memorize two different books of the gospels word... for... word. Including their scriptural "addresses"... You know, chapter and verse numbers. How on earth did I miss the message that we are all sinners and we all need Christ to save us?!? No clue. I can only guess that until you're truly ready to accept Christ, the bible is somewhat of a mystery, sort of like Jesus' explanation of teaching through parables... those who are wise understand, while those who are ignorant walk away clueless. I wasn't ready to be wise yet, I guess.

Fast forward a decade, after my life had hit rock bottom because I'd made a real mess of it all. I won't go into detail, but my mess included walking away from church when college convinced me it was all a myth anyway, fabricated to comfort the ignorant masses when they didn't have science to explain things; a failed marriage; "serial monogamy" with too many men due to trying to prove I was loveable, and always feeling less so with each one; growing health problems; depression; overworking; few REAL friendships; suffocating loneliness... Need I say more? I finally recognized that everything I did just made things worse, and as my current-and-for-life husband says, the first AND second rules to apply when you find yourself digging yourself into a hole is to stop digging and STOP DIGGING. So I did. And because I could see no other way out of it all, I cried out to the heavens, "IF there is a god out there, and IF you even care, please get me out of this mess I've made of my life, because I sure am doing a lousy job of it. I need help!"

And you know what? He honored that. Soon I found doors closing and other doors opening... MY plans went awry, but things started falling into place through no effort on my part, until I found myself in a life I never imagined I could have: remarried (this time to my best friend), living a few hundred miles away from where I had been, just starting over, and soon settling into a new job as full-time homemaker and mother. In the beginning, I didn't want to be 'conceited' enough to make the assumption that this was the God of the Bible answering my prayers just because that was the 'religion' I had some experience with, so I researched other religions, asking each time, "Is this You?" It didn't take me very long, though, to figure out that the God answering my prayers was doing so out of love, because I had absolutely NOTHING to offer Him, except myself, and I already knew that wasn't much, certainly not enough to 'pay' for all that I was receiving. That left only love as a viable motive for answering my prayers. And only one religion in the whole world is centered around a God of LOVE... Christianity. Sure enough, when I asked, "Is this You?" the answer I heard, as audibly as if Jesus were standing there in the flesh though I knew I wasn't hearing it with my ears at all, was "Yes. It is I."

I was hooked from then on... I believed unequivocally that there was indeed a God, and that He was the God of the Bible. But I still didn't know just WHO God was, not fully, because I still didn't understand anything about His nature, His persons, His commandments, or His gift of salvation. I still didn't know I was a sinner... sure, I'd made some mistakes, but other than making me feel soiled and used, I still considered myself a pretty good person. Especially since I blamed other people for most of those mistakes! Now, some people have insisted to me that God doesn't even hear your prayers until you're a true Believer, but my own experiences deny that. God meets us where we are. Granted, many prayers no doubt go unanswered in the uninitiated due to praying for things that go against His nature, His will, His plan, or are asked for the wrong reasons. That’s true of believers as well. But if answering our prayers that ARE in line with all that He is will draw us closer to Him, do you really think He's the sort of God to turn a deaf ear? Not me!

It took a few more years for me to learn what I was missing. Of all things, it took a cultist debating me about scripture! The cultist, of course, was trying to convert me to his religion, but it didn't work out that way. God used my argumentative nature to draw me into scripture, which I had found supremely boring and confusing prior to this... I read scripture to refute the cultist's interpretation of verses taken out of context. Among other things, the cultist was arguing that there is no hell, that people who aren't saved will simply cease to exist, and that only 144,000 souls out of all earth's history will be saved... all from this cult, of course. I totally confounded this man by pointing out that his cult already boasted more than 6 million members at that time, so obviously only a tiny fraction of them were going to be saved, and if the worst that was going to happen was that I'd cease to exist, then it pretty well argued in favor of doing whatever I wanted, didn't it? Poor man was reduced to insulting me because he had no rebuttal for that. LOL

A curious thing happened, though... the more I was reading Scripture in order to argue with this man, the more I wanted to read for myself. Finally the verse about thirsting after the Word like a hart thirsts for water made sense (Psalm 42:1-2). And oddly enough, it ALL made sense. It was as if someone had applied a de-coder to it, because I was suddenly SEEING whole passages that I had not noticed before, even amongst the two books I had once memorized (what a paradox!), and I finally read enough for the salvation message to click... I was a sinner that could not save myself, but I could accept Jesus, who was fully God, fully human, and still alive today (how had I ever missed THAT, as many Easter services as I had attended?!?)... I could accept Jesus as my Savior and King and be saved. I could ask the Holy Spirit to live in my heart and guide me daily. I could submit my will to that of my Father in Heaven. Oh, how I wanted that!!! But first I needed to repent, and for the first time in my life, I saw myself as I truly was... and I cried for three days. My poor husband thought I'd cracked and was having a nervous breakdown, because I could not stop crying and hanging my head in shame. But then, all cried out, I asked for forgiveness, and for salvation, and for a personal relationship with Jesus...

It changed me forever.

I still make mistakes, but they rarely go long before I'm prompted to repent and correct them. I still have serious health problems, but I have comfort in His companionship, draw strength from Him, and experience hope and JOY in spite of it all. I've grown more in the last ten years than I did in the first 3 decades, and He isn't finished with me yet.

Father, thank You so much for loving us! Thank You for providing a way for us to be in communion with You! Thank You, Jesus, for coming to save us! Thank You, Holy Spirit, for giving us guidance! Father, I pray that my testimony will touch a lost soul's heart, and plant the seed of desire to be one of Yours. I pray that there will be someone available to them to answer their questions and explain the salvation plan to them, me* if no other. Give them the courage to take that first step towards you, and may they be aware that You are there to meet even the smallest step. Thank You for the joy that abounds every time another soul is saved! Thank You... for everything... Amen.

*If you have questions about being saved, and don't know where to turn for help, feel free to send me a message, and I will assist any way I can. And certainly, if my testimony spurred you into accepting Christ, I'd love to hear it!

Lemons and Lemonade

2010-07-20T09:24:00.002-04:00

"Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel." Philippians 1:12

People are funny about encountering matters of suffering and adversity in other people's lives. Some will shy away from any mention of it, quickly changing the subject to more mundane matters, as if fearful that even talking about it will prove to be contagious, bringing some vengeful spirit down upon their heads to heap a similar serving of adversity upon the listener. Some will grow uncomfortable, feeling helpless to say or do just the right thing to adequately express their sympathy, not realizing that all they really need to do is listen. A lot of them know someone who endured "exactly the same thing, except..." and the story soon wings away from the here and now to some often unrelated situation that doesn't really help much in the telling. A few callous sorts will hurry away at any sign of bad news because they don't want to be subjected to what they view as the hopeless drama of another's life, when they figure nothing like that will ever happen to them, when they're sure the hapless individuals involved likely brought the trouble down upon their own heads through their own acts of stupidity, carelessness or whatever. And there's the know-it-all that is only too happy to point out just exactly what acts of stupidity these individuals did to cause all this, and how they can go about making all their troubles go away, easier than reading a Dear Abby column in the newspaper. "Voila, troubles begone, nice and tidy, now let's talk about me!"

On the other hand, people are just as funny about their own suffering and adversity! Some won't whisper a word of it, as if it were all a huge, shameful secret, and will try to keep up the stoic pretense that all is well, as if there's something noble about suffering in silence if you have to suffer at all. Some will holler and shout that the whole world is to blame, everyone except themselves in every regard, and demand that somebody- maybe God or maybe the government- do something about it while they sit and wait. Many will take charge and do everything they can to set things as right as they can, often while coercing everyone around them to take the same steps to avoid their woe, while others will be immobilized by shock, fear and a loss of hope. A few will obsess about their suffering to the point that they will insist on sharing every excruciating detail of it with anyone and everyone whose attention they can snare for even a moment. There's even some who wear their suffering like a badge of honor, bragging to anyone who dares tell them of their own adversity that they've had it much, much worse than anyone else- to the nth degree worse!- an odd sort of 'one-up-manship' if I do say so.

I don't describe these types of people to mock or point fingers, mind you, because even while one finger is pointing outwards, at least three more are pointed right back at me! Yep... one or more of these scenarios has described me at one time or another. Maybe they have you, as well. Like I said, people are funny! We come with all sorts of quirks! One of the more admirable quirks is the ability to laugh at ourselves and find humor in life. But I digress...

There are much better examples to which to aspire when it comes to dealing with adversity, ours or others'. Christ, of course, is the ultimate example. I don't think many of us will ever be subjected to the degree of suffering to which He was, but there is much to be learned from Him about dealing with any degree of adversity, just the same. When it's others who are suffering, we can emulate His quiet compassion, powerful prayers of intercession, helping hands, and open arms. When we're the ones suffering, we can strive to keep the Father's will at the forefront while we submit to His plan, continue to make time to pray, reach out to other's amongst believers (as when Jesus asked some of His disciples to join Him in the garden, even if they didn't do such a good job of it), and forgive others for their hand in our suffering. I'm sure there are many other traits we can strive to carry away with us from Jesus' example. But I'm not prepared to get into an exhaustive study of that at this time, not when Jesus Himself seems to me, at least, such a lofty example to follow, when I'm but merely a fallen, totally fallible human being in, what often feels to me, a particularly broken state.

Instead, I wanted to point out the attitude seen in Paul, who delighted in his suffering while he was in prison, because, as he says in Philippians 1:12, everything that happened to him really served to advance the gospel... Wow. He was in prison, because there were Jews in Jerusalem who wanted him dead for preaching the gospel, and he had been transported to Rome to be tried before Caesar. There, he took the opportunity to preach the gospel to the prison officials, guards and other prisoners, thus extending the reach of the good news even further. Paul took lemons and made lemonade, as the popular saying goes... Now there's a do-able attitude that I can carry away with me! Instead of throwing myself pity parties over my adversities, I want to be able to find joy in suffering because I've been able to turn it around to serving God in some small but significant way. Instead of being locked in fear of further adversity, I want to be bold about doing whatever I can to advance the gospel, then seeing the suffering as proof of my effective efforts. Instead of leaving prison doors locked tight, I want to do my part to throw them wide open in every way that really counts, for everyone, for we're all suffering here.

Now... who wants to join me for a glass of lemonade? :-)

Father, thank you so much for caring about all our sorrows, and for showing us how to deal with them. Thank you for throwing open the prison doors of sin, setting us free with Your Good News! Show us how to be more compassionate towards our fellow sufferers, how to handle our own adversities with grace, and how to use all of it to advance the gospel. In Jesus' name, amen.

*The above was published in the July/August 2010 issue of The Encourager, a newsletter "written to encourage and inspire those living with chronic illnesses by guest writers and those who have learned their physical weaknesses allow God to reveal His strength and power." For more information about subscribing to the newsletter, or contributing as a writer, contact me via the comments field, and I'll give you the editor's contact info.

Excuses, Excuses!

2010-07-02T21:36:00.000-04:00

Note: The following is one of those pieces that was started and then sat unfinished due to the writer's block mentioned in "Heart for People". It feels good to finally finish it. :-)

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.       -Romans 12:11

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.       -1 Peter 4:10

   Judging by the desperate pleas for volunteers for various ministries within the churches, and the way it's so often the same faces serving in the same capacity with a pretty high predictability, I think it's probably safe to say that many of us have been guilty at one time or another of making excuses to not participate in some sort of ministry or answer the nudge of the Holy Spirit to do something for the Lord. I'm not talking about excusing oneself from one noble cause for the sake of a higher calling here. I'm talking about avoiding ministry altogether because we're too busy, too tired, too poor, or any number of other superlatives that crop up in human life. And I think we can all recognize them as rather poor excuses when we take the time to really look at them, since they're often the result of placing our priorities in the wrong order, and deep down, we know that... For these are the very excuses that often leave us feeling guilty or defensive even as we're uttering them and backing away while glancing frantically at our watches and then pretending we see someone we were supposed to be meeting over the shoulder of the person doing the asking and beating a hasty retreat. Not pointing any fingers, mind you... I'm guilty too. Just sayin'.

   But there's one excuse that I recently recognized in my own life that on the surface looked mighty alright... Are you ready?

   "I want to give my best to the Lord, and right now I can't live up to my best."

   WHOOOIIIIEEE!! That sure sounds like a doozy of an excuse, doesn't it?!?

    Too bad it's no good! That's right! No good! It's just plain old procrastination and laziness dressed up in cheap gold paint! My oh my... I've got a sneaky little heart, don't I?!? (embarrassed giggle) I almost got away with that one, too! Fortunately God was persistently whispering in my ear, revealing it for what it was!

   So what's wrong with it? Well... We all have days in which we're unable to meet our ideal standards, and in fact, I believe that the majority of our days are like that! In my case, it's poor health that has always seemed to stop me, but I can easily imagine someone with financial trouble or someone who's working two jobs using that same excuse. "Maybe when things are better, I can do something for ministry, but right now I just don't have anything worthy to offer." Have you ever said that? But difficulties didn't stop Mother Theresa, did it? (What, you think she never had any problems?) And it doesn't seem to be stopping those predictable faces you always see serving in the church, does it? (Everybody suffers from some sort of hardship!)

   Waiting until we can do our best sounds like a noble plan, until you consider that the Lord wants the best we have to offer today- no matter how little that may seem to us- not the best we can offer someday. After all, that "someday" may never come! Take the story of the widow who gave two copper coins to the temple (Luke 21:1-4). Sure doesn't seem like much, but it was the best she had to give that day, all she had to give that day, and God knew it, and found her offering of greater value than the larger, but spiritually paltry and relatively insignificant, portion that wealthier people gave of their possessions. The same standard applies to every aspect of our lives today. We may not be able to give what we think we ought, but we should give whatever we have, with a cheerful heart, for today. If we're too ill to go out and serve in a physical capacity, then we can spend time in prayer for everyone we know who is in need of the Lord's intervention. We need only be conscious to do that! If we really are too poor to give much to charity, we can give what we can, be it a few coins like the widow, or some of our time. If we're so busy that we don't have time to turn around despite examining our priorities, we can offer encouraging words to anyone we encounter who may need it. Regardless of our circumstances, there are always opportunities to use our gifts and blessings to serve others, always some way we can give something back to the Lord, to give our best for the day, even if it seems paltry compared to what someone else is able to give. All summed up, you'll still be giving more to Him than if you "wait for a better day." And while it might not seem like much of an offering to us, for someone else, it could mean everything.

Father, forgive us our excuses for not serving You through serving others, for being so wrapped up in ourselves that we miss the opportunities to do some good in Your name. Thank You for taking our small efforts and making them into something much bigger and better when we do serve! Open the eyes of our hearts to yet more ways that we may serve You, no matter what the circumstances of our lives are, and give us the encouragement we need to keep giving You the best that we have for today, and guide us towards being able to give You even better for tomorrow. And Lord, bless those who have been selflessly serving you while the rest of us have been making excuses! In Jesus' name, amen.

A Heart for People

2010-07-02T15:18:00.004-04:00

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' -Matthew 22:37-38

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. -Galatians 6:9

I've had a serious writer's block going, and it's been going for quite a while. I knew exactly when it started, and even had an inkling why, but didn't quite know from where the source of it was springing.

It started around the time of the election that disappointed and, quite honestly, even scared me, though I'm not going to get into political hot topics right now. That was part of it, but it was more the behavior of people I was observing on the news and interacting with directly, in response to the election that really got to me and shut down my "muse", so to speak... Sickened and saddened me to the point that I just felt I had nothing to say for a while.

Eventually I was able to write something, but only when I got angry about a gross injustice within the Carepage community, where I maintain a page for my health issues. The result of that was "Sin Diagnosis". After I got that out of my system, again I found myself with nothing to say. A friend even gently approached me to inquire as to whether I'd lost my faith, because I hadn't been writing. No... that's remained strong throughout.

After a while, I found myself wanting to write again, to write about what God has been teaching me, and I made a lot of false starts, but just couldn't seem to stick with it and finish anything. My heart wasn't in it. Not really. Because there was this disgruntled feeling inside that I just couldn't get rid of. It didn't help that within my personal life, I was struggling something awful with my health, and feeling like I was doing it all alone. Though we're encouraged to help one another, there just never seems to be anybody near, able and willing to provide any help for me. And I felt discouraged and very lonely.

And it didn't help that, as society continued its decline from bad to worse, going out in public became increasingly unpleasant. Despite police efforts to combat it, road rage continues to get worse, until even driving to the local grocery store sometimes feels like a big risk. And it's getting harder to find anybody who will return a smile and a friendly 'hello', so that sometimes I feel downright invisible because of the lack of response my smiles are getting! Within the stores, people are just pushing their carts around with scowls on their faces, quickly expressing exasperation for people encroaching on their "personal space." An older couple stopped their cart rather than go around my son, who just happened to be in their path and was picking up something he'd dropped before rejoining me, and they turned to glare at me, hands on hips, as if I had no business bringing children into a grocery store. And on another occasion in a different sort of store, a young woman took her frustrations out on my husband, simply because he was "in her way" while he was perusing the shelves looking for a birthday gift for our youngest child. He hadn't even been aware she was there, until she loudly sighed, and he promptly apologized and stepped out of her way, only to be called a foul name in response! This sort of unwarranted rudeness just seems to be skyrocketing lately, in our experience. It's very discouraging. And doesn't do much to make me feel any love for my fellow humans.

And therein lies the crux... I hadn't lost my heart for God. I'd lost my heart for people! I was feeling no love for these people who were doing nothing to deserve any, never mind that it's often those who least deserve love who most need it demonstrated to them. I'd grown weary of doing good, and wanted nothing to do with anybody who might take and then give nothing in return. And THAT was stopping up my desire to write, which is definitely a labor of love that doesn't really yield much tangible reward. Praise God that He always loves us faithfully! Praise God that when you realize your well of love is empty, and ask Him to fill it, He does so abundantly! Asking Him to fill you with His love for others, whether it be for one particular difficult person, or the general mass of mankind, always works! And because His love for people is once again flowing through me, so again are my words flowing out into cyberspace.

Father, thank you so much for Your unfailing love, given freely to us all, though we are undeserving and so often fail to return any love to You. And thank you, Father, for being so generous in sharing that love with us, just for the asking! Help us to apply that where ever there is a need in our lives, where ever there are people that we are having trouble loving. Turn us into veritable fountains of Christ's love, splashing it forth on all around us, luring the lost towards You, and shining a ray of hope into the darkness of this fallen world. In Jesus' name, amen.

P.S. Despite the event that triggered "Sin Diagnosis", www.carepages.com is a terrific place to go to set up a page to keep your family and friends apprised of medical situations, including pregnancies. And it's free!

Sin Diagnosis

2009-09-04T14:51:00.002-04:00

It's been a long while since I've done any writing. I took a lot of verbal and virtual beatings on several fronts, did some major wrestling with the enemy over several issues, needed some time alone with my Lord to get my head on straight again, got my spirit renewed, and now I think I'm ready to come back to it.

First thing I'm ready to tackle is the subject of faith healing. Or rather, the judgmental attitude that a lot of us ill Christians face when such attempts fail, are denied/delayed, or whatever else you want to call it. I fully believe that God can and does heal today, just as He did when Jesus was still walking on the earth. I fully believe that I could be instantaneously and completely healed right now if God so chose to demonstrate His will in that way. I would be delighted if He did. I have prayed for that many times. I have had many people pray for that for me, both while laying hands on me and from afar, with oil and without. So far that prayer has not been answered, at least not in full. But I'm still saying that God is my King and I'm still trusting in His plan for me.

Now, over the years I've had a few people ask me from time to time if there might not be some sin that I've committed that perhaps I have failed to confess, and if perhaps that might not be what is keeping me from getting well. I've always appreciated that, for we Christians are called to keep each other on the straight and narrow. And sometimes when I've searched my heart, I've found something or other that wasn't right, and took it to my Lord in prayer, confessed, repented, and went on my merry way. But it never had any impact on my health. That's not to say that prayer never had any impact... God has always given me relief in one form or another (though never in the way I expected) whenever I truly reached the end of my rope in dealing with my health. Just never full relief from it... just enough for me to keep going.

Occasionally I've encountered some really obnoxious individuals who have INSISTED that there HAD to be some sin causing my illness, that there was no other explanation for it, and no other way to heal me than for me to come clean and confess this so-called hidden sin... Yeah, a sin SO hidden that I don't even know what it is! These individuals are absolutely unbelievable, because they just won't leave a subject alone, and will hound a person to death, so sure they're right, and so convinced that they're doing the Lord's work in browbeating ill people, trying to get them to confess to Lord knows what, for no other reason than they're sick! Don't bother holding Job up as an example, because Job "feared" what befell him, and "fearing is a sin!" Hello! God Almighty Himself called Job faithful (Job 1:8), then turned around and rewarded Job tenfold for remaining faithful through it all and made the 'friends' who insisted that he was sick because of sin apologize to him (well, not in so many words, but you know that's what's implied, when they had to go to Job in order to 'get right' with God again!), take sacrifices to him to be burnt on their behalves for their sin in speaking against God in this way (for assuming that God works in the way they insisted He does) and have Job say prayers for them (Job 42:8)! *snort* If you're reading this and you're one of the ones who acted in this way towards me, rest assured, I've prayed for you and forgiven you, even though I know and you know you've never come to me to make anything right with me (getting right with God is up to you.) A hug sure wouldn't hurt, though, if you ever get the opportunity to visit my neck of the woods. ;-) In the meantime, might I point out that it's dangerous to be so focused on possible splinters in the eyes of the sick that you miss the planks in your own eyes? If you have ever made the assumption that somebody was sick because they sinned, especially without really knowing anything about that person, please reread the book of Job, because not all illness is the result of sin.

I want to say that again.

Not ALL illness is the result of sin! (Reread Job AGAIN if you want to argue with me on that point. And I'm not splitting hairs about Adam, as this IS the post-Adam world. Don't be petty. Semantics irritate me.)

A few months ago, I had something new happen to me. I was introduced to something I had never even imagined encountering before... the notion that a person who didn't even know me, didn't know anything about me, could tell me what my sin was based on my symptoms. Turns out there's a whole ministry, with lots of followers, built on extractions from the bible all mixed together with a bit of modern medicine and psychology and... Voila!... Psychobabble with a spiritual twist! Now...To be fair, the pastor that started it all seems to have good intentions, and seems to have led a lot of people to healing, and for those people, I say "Wonderful! Hallelujah!!" There's a LOT to be said about the effect of guilt, fear, anger, self-hatred, bitterness and all those other negative emotions (sins!) on the human body, some that you maybe didn't intentionally choose but had foisted upon you by your upbringing, and it's a HUGE relief when you finally understand that the lies you may have been buying into for much of your life can no longer imprison you, and you're FREE! It may have even been the source of your illness, and you may find yourself healed as a result of that freedom!! Awesome! If you're ill and you've never looked into this possibility, it's worth a look, with caution. But... there's an awful lot of people who are getting trampled by the mob following along behind this movement and NOT getting healed...

Firstly, despite our world's fascination with putting everything in neat little packages, life just isn't that way. Don't believe me? Look at the animal kingdom classifications... as much as man tries to neatly divide all the animals into neat categories, God seems to delight in creating exceptions to man's attempts to create rules for everything. Look at the platypus, for crying out loud! It looks like it could easily belong to several different classifications of animal all by itself! Tell me God didn't chortle and say, "There, you silly children, try to classify THAT!" So now I'm supposed to believe that all people who suffer joint pain do so because they are failing to forgive? Or that all people who suffer autoimmunity are hating themselves? It doesn't wash. To me, it makes about as much sense as saying that because one man who jumped off a bridge broke his legs, ALL people with broken legs got them by jumping off bridges.

Secondly, what of those who go into faith healings with open hearts and minds, who genuinely seek to get completely right with God in every way, but aren't healed, then are treated as if it's somehow their faults they weren't healed? Is that right? Just abandon them to the enemy's lies? Shut them out from God's love? This is what happens to many of them, you know. I've talked to some of them, including some who have spiraled down into deep depression and some who have lost faith completely, and I heard the enemy trying to lie to me, too. You know what he was saying? "You're not worthy of being healed. You aren't really loved. Maybe you aren't really even forgiven your sins. Whatever it is you're supposed to do to be healed, you aren't doing it right. You can't. You might as well just give up. You can't please such a demanding god anyway. Just walk away. Go home. Leave everybody alone. Curl up and die already. Nobody loves you. Nobody wants you. Not even God. Who needs you?"

People... Please, please, please be very careful about handling issues of 'faith healing'... It really isn't a 'one size fits all' thing that works for everybody, and you must not point an accusatory finger at the person who is still sick when prayers for healing go seemingly unanswered. Sometimes God's answer is 'No', and sometimes His answer is 'Not Yet'. Sometimes these earthly bodies just plain old don't work right for organic reasons, or for things that don't have anything to do with us personally. Sometimes we reap the consequences of things that happened a long time ago: sins past, forgiven and forgotten. Sometimes we're stuck with the effects that this fallen world, and even other sinners, has had on our bodies. Though it's not absolutely clear that Paul's 'thorn in the flesh' (2 Cor 12:7) was a physical infirmity, it likely was, so sometimes illness is used to keep us on the straight and narrow, guiding us closer to God. And sometimes, just maybe sometimes, we're like Job, shining examples of faithful servants, pointed out by our Fathers as someone who would still remain faithful even in adversity, and allowed to be test subjects, and will bring glory to Him if we remain true. A friend put it best, I think, when she said that God can't be summed up in a simple equation. Yes, He is unchanging, yes, He makes promises in Scripture, but we cannot manipulate Him based on that. We have to trust in His plan, trust in His timing, trust in His sovereignty, and know that in all things, He uses everything for the good of those who love Him. And if you are one of those who has heard the enemy's lies mentioned above, Dear Child... You are so very loved! Your Father knew you before the world was created, planned everything about you, and thinks you are 'to die for'. He delights in you, and if you've repented of your sins, then He has not only forgiven them, but forgotten them, separated them from you as far as the east is from the west. He will never leave you or forsake you, and is keeping track of your tears. Be strong and courageous, for you are not alone, and there is much for you to do here to further the Lord's work, for He can use you no matter what condition you are in, for in your weakness, He is strong. And He is with you always!

Father, Forgive us for judging one another, and help us forgive others who have judged us. Heal our hearts of the hurts that such judgments have left behind. So many of us are sick, and few of us have any idea why. Guide us to the answers that are right for us, whether it be confessing sins, uncovering lies we've believed, correcting organic problems, or simply asking and finally being HEALED, or merely being content with our lot for whatever purpose You might have for that, and keep us glorifying You all the way! Keep us pointing up at You in praise, and not at each other in accusations. Remind us to reach out to those who feel betrayed and lost by the church, and welcome them lovingly back into the fold, use us as your tools again, comforting and supporting ill Christians in their weakness until they are made well or until they are taken home to be with You. Reveal the enemy's lies for what they are, and fill us with Your love, no matter what our physical condition. Show us, if we're ill, how we can be of use to You, even in our weakness. Thank You, Jesus, for saving us repentants all, sick and healthy, just for believing in You and accepting Your gift of salvation so freely given! Amen

Scripture references I have turned to for comfort. May they comfort you as well: Book of Job, Psalm 103, Psalm 139, Jeremiah 29:11

Committing Respect or Disservice?

2008-12-19T19:08:00.003-05:00

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted... I've been ill a lot lately, so would appreciate your prayers for good health. As I mentioned once before, I have one more archived piece to share, and this is the last of them. All else will be new material, never published or passed around before. I wrote this piece the last Christmas we served overseas, while we were in Ankara, Turkey in 2005. This was the first of my pieces that had a less than 'sweetness-and-light' tone to it, falling more under what I would think of as 'salt of the earth'... a little more spicy in admonishing those who are supposed to 'be on my side' in being in the world without being of the world, ie fellow Christians. I'm really sad to say that it's still as relevant this year as it was when I wrote it. People are being so ridiculous about taking political correctness too far, and I'm sorry to hear that a lot of them identify themselves as Christians. This piece was directed at them, questioning their true motives. If the shoe fits, I pray that you'll be convicted, and rethink you're approach. If not, I cheerfully wish you a Merry Christmas!

All the fuss this past Christmas Season over whether to wish people a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, whether this store or that ever mentions the word Christmas anywhere in their ads, in their stores or amongst their personnel has had me feeling rather bemused. On the one hand, it is rather insulting that in some places we have seen mention of other holidays: Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Ramadan, but no mention of Christmas. But on the other, as I see it, we American Christians have no one to blame but ourselves if our country is drifting so far away from its Christian roots despite the majority of Americans identifying themselves as being Christians. We've allowed ourselves to be intimidated by tiny minority groups insisting on their "right" to be spared any mention of our beliefs (no such right appears in the US Constitution.) We've stood by quietly in too many places as one symbol after another of our faith has been removed, from nativity scenes to the Ten Commandments on which our country's laws were based. We've cooperated with the "political correctness" movement for too long, and now anything goes except Christianity. And it seems to me that some of the very people who are shouting the loudest for silencing any expression of our beliefs are people who claim to be Christians themselves! I find that really troubling!
From these people, I hear "I have no right to force my beliefs on others." And, "Thumping people over the head with my bible isn't going to convert them." And, "I'm showing people of other faiths respect by not offending them with mine." Oh my. While I can agree that being obnoxious about sharing our faith isn't going to attract any new followers for Christ, I sincerely doubt that these sentiments are all that altruistic, but rather are tools that the enemy is using to weaken the church, just as he uses the phrase "separation of church and state" which appears nowhere in the US Constitution, to inspire people to bend over backwards to erase our country's heritage. Now I might make myself unpopular with Christians who think this way by saying this, but Luke 17:3 says "If your brother sins, rebuke him," so here goes: These reasons given for not expressing or displaying the Christian faith sound too much like excuses to me. Self-serving excuses. Why?
The Bible clearly tells us in Matthew 28:19, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." We are commanded to spread the good news that Jesus gave us. How, pray tell, can we do that if we "shield" anyone who might be offended from any mention of our faith? Not all of us are called to be evangelists and missionaries, but we are all to play some part in sharing the gospel with those around us. And yes, I know it can be uncomfortable to tell other people about something that is so personal to us as Jesus is. We risk rejection. We risk ridicule. We risk being asked questions we might feel unqualified to answer. This is the real reason, I believe, why so many American Christians want to side with "political correctness" while Christians in many other countries are willing to die for their faith and are dying. I believe many of us want to be absolved of this commandment. It won't work.
Just as the prophet Ezekiel was warned by God (Ezekiel 3:18-19) that he would be held accountable for failing to warn Israel of the consequences of her sins, I believe we will also be held accountable for failing to warn those around us now. Ezekiel wasn't held responsible for how Israel responded to the warnings, only for issuing them. I think the same thing applies to us today. Regarding learning from Israel's history, 1 Corinthians 10:11 tells us, "These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come."
There's a very broad line between thumping somebody over the head with our Bible and joyfully and publicly expressing our faith. I live in the Middle East, where proselytizing is frowned on at best, illegal and severely punishable at worst, yet I have little difficulty sharing my faith. I may not be able to proactively tell someone about the Gospel, but I can joyfully act in a loving and godly way that draws people to me. I can also display symbols of my faith on my person and in my home. If they then feel moved to ask me questions about my faith, I can then describe the source of my joy. No one is offended. Ironically, my Muslim neighbors here cheerfully wished me a Merry Christmas! As for public symbols of the Christian faith, we find those here in the Middle East too, carefully and respectfully preserved and maintained by Muslims so that the world may come to see them and wonder. How much easier, then, it should be in our great American country where we have full religious freedom! At least until we willingly give it up, may that day never come!
So given the knowledge of what will happen to those who have not been warned, who have not received salvation, how can any Christian justify to him or herself that he or she is respecting people of other faiths by not sharing ours in any way, shape or form? To me, it is so clearly not an act of respect, but one of great disservice! We're allowing people to stumble through life according to whatever way seems wise to them, while giving them no reason to even be curious about the Truth! And that leads to eternal death for them, and an accounting before the throne of God for us. I don't know about anyone else, but I fear that accounting before God far more than I fear any rejection or ridicule from man.
"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love." 1Corinthians 16:13-14

Father, we come before You, thanking You and praising You for the true reason for this season- Your precious and only Son, Jesus Christ. No other gift in this world could compare to the One You already gave. Thank You! Help us to be both loving and bold in sharing this good news, to spread the joy we feel. Use us like stars of Bethlehem, guiding others towards You. Keep us pointing to and focused on the true meaning of Christmas throughout this season and all of the rest of the year. In Jesus' name we pray- Amen.

Hope

2008-11-22T23:17:00.004-05:00

We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teachings about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. - Hebrews 5:11-14

I received some interesting reactions to my posting "Legislating Morality" and for similar statements I made elsewhere; some I was expecting, others I was not. The dissenting voices were at least kind enough, for the most part, to keep their reactions within private emails, rather than flaming me here, for which I'm grateful. But I did get judged harshly on several levels. I was called judgmental, hypocritical, self-righteous, proud and even a spoiled brat who was merely disappointed about my candidate not winning and was using the bible to justify my temper tantrum. Nice. I won't even dignify that last one with a response. I was easily able to deflect these criticisms, because the judgment wasn't mine. The hypocrisy also isn't mine, for I'm doing my best to live my faith in every regard, not just on Sunday mornings and at funerals, which is the sort of "faith" I grew up around, and used to practice myself. Self-righteous and proud? Molested as a child, raped as a teen, abused in every way as a young adult, rejected as a defective and social outcast throughout much of my life, upon what have I ever had anything to grow pride? Shame permeated the majority of my life, and only by walking alongside my Lord and Savior am I even able to hold my head up with dignity. That dignity, and righteousness, is borrowed from Him alone, for His grace- which I did not deserve and can not earn- is what allows me to be called a Daughter of the King.

Moving on.

I had one other type of criticism for my posting, one that DID surprise me... Several people felt that I should have been laying out a balm of healing with talk about hope, rather than giving the message I did. I respect those who said this to me, but must respectfully disagree. Firstly, the verse heading that posting was given to me during my prayer time, and it was not one about hope. It was, however, a warning that could be used to bring hope and healing, if we heed it. I didn't even remember it being in Revelation, until I looked it up in my concordance. I admit that my heart pounded when I realized where that verse came from, as I wondered if the time spoken of in Revelation could in fact be so close. But lest anyone call me a false prophet, as one critic unjustly did, let me remind you that I never said that it WAS that time. I DO believe that the "birth pangs" referenced in Matthew 24:4-8 and elsewhere have not only begun, but are intensifying. Anyone really looking at the events of the world with eyes wide open will likely think the same. Yet I know God's patience is infinitely greater than mine, so even if we have neared the end of the "birth pangs", it could still be some time before He actually begins the judgments described in Revelation. Only He knows. What does seem clear to me, however, is that He is calling for His church to wake up to the growing apostasy that plagues her. The Day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night (1 Thessalonians 5:2), and we should not be spiritually asleep when it does! (1 Th 5:6)

Unfortunately, we are very drowsy right now, if not downright asleep, when our church can be so nearly split down the middle over an election. Christians on both sides of the election debate claim that they've made their choices after prayerfully seeking God's will, yet this cannot be, for He would not give conflicting guidance! At least half the church, and probably more, is being deceived, either because they have let down their guard, or they aren't mature in the faith, or because they never had it in the first place and they're justifying their own desires as being God's will. This brings me to my second point of disagreement about whether I should have been spreading a message of hope: Our hope lies in the Lord, and in order to have a hope-filled relationship with Him, we must first repent! Without repentance, there is no hope, for we turn our backs on Him while seeking the self or the world! A lot of us have that hope, and yes, for those of us who do, we need to hang onto that and not grow discouraged. But lest you get too comfortable in that thought, consider Ephesians 2:11-12: "Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called "uncircumcised" by those who call themselves "the circumcision" (that done in the body by the hands of men) - remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world." Don't forget that there are people out there, many of them calling themselves our brothers and sisters in Christ, even though no one has taught them how salvation works that they might avail themselves of this gift, are without hope. Remember how it was with you, before you accepted salvation. Still more of them, while they have accepted salvation, aren't maturing in the faith, because we're not teaching them. And yet more have matured some, but seem to have stalled along the way somewhere, because we haven't corrected them for fear of offending them. We can't lay all the blame on those who are being deceived. We've been leaving them all vulnerable to the enemy that is prowling like a lion, and he's pounced on them. Yes, there's hope to be found, but we have to go out there and let the Lord use us to lead the lost in the right direction. Wake up, brothers and sisters!

Father, we thank you for warning us to wake up. We repent of our parts in allowing our younger brothers and sisters to wander untrained, and our elders to drift uncorrected and leaving them all vulnerable to the enemy. Strengthen our resolve to accept the task of being teachers, to shed the light on apostasy, to guide the church back to You. Open the hearts of the deceived, Lord, that they might have eyes to see and ears to hear when we bring Your message to them. Help us to rid ourselves of the apostasy that has weakened the church. Help us all to grow in maturity that we might bear fruit for You, both individually and as a church, once more. Lead us all to true hope, which can only be found in You. In Jesus' precious name we pray. Amen.

Chicken Recipe

2008-11-13T13:21:00.002-05:00

I've been asked by several people for the recipe mentioned in the Tagged item below, so rather than email it individually to all, here it is. Enjoy! :-)

TJ's Picnic Chicken

1 lb (or more) boneless, skinless chicken breast or tenderloin pieces (smaller pieces yield more flavor, and work especially well for party appetizers)

2 TB cooking oil

1 egg, beaten

1 cup plain bread crumbs

1 tsp each of salt, pepper, paprika, onion powder and poultry seasoning (I like McCormick's best) (if using large breast pieces, I often use more than 1 tsp to give a stronger flavor, esp if it will be served cold)

Preheat oven to 350 F. Spread oil in baking dish. Mix bread crumbs with seasoning in shallow dish or on a plate. Dip chicken pieces into beaten egg, then coat with crumb mixture, shaking off excess, and place in baking dish. Bake 1 hr, turning half way through baking time. Smaller pieces will need less than an hour to bake (more like 40 minutes). Enjoy hot or cold! :-)

I've been tagged!

2008-11-08T13:40:00.006-05:00

Joan, from A Portland Granny, who didn't know if I would do this or not since my postings here are generally serious in tone, has tagged me to share ten things with all of you that I'm not afraid to admit. :-)

The rules are:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog
3) Write 10 random things about yourself (see below).
4) Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged and leave
a comment on their blog.
6) Let the tagger know when your entry has been posted.

Here are my ten!

1.) I don't like chocolate. I know... totally un-American! LOL I always felt like the odd man out in every gathering, until a visit to relatives on my father's side of the family revealed that 9 out of 10 of them didn't like chocolate either! Finally I fit in! It's got to be a genetic thing.

2.) I'm a "jack of all trades, master of none." My husband calls me his "Renaissance woman" because I have such a wide and varied range of interests and skills.

3.) I don't like to wear shoes. I've gotten in the habit of doing so first thing in the morning until I've done all the chores and errands that require being on the go are completed, but after that, they get kicked off!

4.) I'm hoping to become a professional writer eventually, writing for the Christian fiction and non-fiction market.

5.) My mother gave birth to me when she was 43 years old. Two of my sisters were 21 and 25 yrs old at the time, and were standing outside the nursery window when a stranger commented, "You know, that baby there... Her mother is 43 years old!" My sisters replied, "We know. She's our Mom too!"

6.) I once owned a 1967 Dodge Dart, beautifully restored, and a 1969 Buick Skylark. I loved driving both of them, and was sad when I had to let them both go, especially the Buick. Just months after the Buick was sold, it was totaled by a drunk driver who ran into it while it was parked on the street, hitting it so hard that it wrapped around a nearby telephone pole. The driver was unhurt, but the car was destroyed.

7.) Babies are my passion...I fall in love as soon as I see them, I cry when I hear bad news about them, I laugh when they giggle, I melt when they smile.

8.) I have four children, two boys and two girls, ranging from small toddler to young pre-teen. They're the lights of my earthly life, along with my husband.

9.) I've known my hubby since high school. We were best friends for ten years before marrying, and we still are.

10.) I created my own recipe of chicken when I was only 18 years old, and called it TJ's Picnic Chicken. Using my maiden initials and highschool nickname, I named it so because the chicken has as much flavor cold as it does when served hot. It never lasts long around here.

Now I pass the tag on to:

Patty at Beside Still Waters
Renee at Renee's Reflections
Jared at The Aeneid
Connie at Connie's Heartstrings
Tammi at Tammi's Treasures
Abryant at Team Bryant

Legislating Morality

2008-11-05T12:03:00.005-05:00

For those who have eyes to see and ears to hear, read on. All others may want to leave the page now lest you be 'offended'... I have been given a message from our Lord that I'm urged to share and explain. May God give me the words I'm to say...

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth.--Revelation 3:15-16

I have a very heavy heart today, and am prone to tears, and I don't think I need to tell bible-believing evangelical Christians why that is. But I can't tell you how many Christians I've talked to recently who have argued that we cannot and should not "legislate morality", and it appears that like-minded Christians were numerous enough to side with liberal unbelievers yesterday to make an awful difference. They argue that legislating "their personal beliefs" would interfere in the "free will" of non-believers, and that they don't think God would do that either, forgetting He DID do that, a long time ago, with the nation of Israel (you can't tell me that all who lived within her borders were devout Jews, but they were called to obey the 10 Commandments anyway!) The argument is flawed. These people think they're promoting an agenda that will allow them to sit on the fence, choosing to do right themselves while giving others the freedom to make their own choices unencumbered. Not so. People have been doing that all along, and it hasn't been enough. It's not enough for these unbelievers to be able to do whatever they want... They want it to be labeled as "good" and "acceptable." No longer is it enough to "fix a mistake" or "keep what they do in the bedroom IN the bedroom." The legislation being pushed forward is in fact legislating immorality by making those "rights" that were never given in the Constitution legally protected, and our right to openly call it sin will be sure to get curtailed, thanks to all the "hate crimes" legislation that is also being pushed, not to mention the persistence of the "separation of church and state" misconception. People have been sinning since before the Bible was written, and they will go right on doing so whether it's legal or not. That's human nature, that's "free will", and we can't end that. Only Christ Himself can when He comes to end all sin. But does that mean we ought to legalize those sins? Does that not make us stumbling blocks to those who don't know another way to live? People who protect alcoholics and drug addicts from the consequences of their sin and allow them to go right on sinning in comfort are called 'enablers'. Enablers make it easy for the alcoholics and drug users to remain addicted, for the addicts have little reason to stop. What makes anyone think it's any different for sexual sin? By legalizing sexual sin, we become enablers of it! And we're teaching such attitudes to a younger generation (those that aren't being killed, anyway...What about their Constitutionally given right to life?!), and soon we may have no legal rights to do otherwise! "Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves." Luke 17:1-3a

I find it interesting what my NIV Life Application Study Bible's study notes has to say about Rev 3:15... "Lukewarm water makes a disgusting drink. The church in Laodicea had become lukewarm and thus distasteful and repugnant. The believers didn't take a stand for anything; indifference had led to idleness. By neglecting to do anything for Christ, the church had become hardened and self-satisfied, and it was destroying itself. There is nothing more disgusting than a halfhearted, in-name-only Christian who is self-sufficient. Don't settle for following God halfway. Let Christ fire up your faith and get you into the action." Sound familiar? There's nothing new under the sun. All that is here has been here for centuries, and none of the "changes" being proposed are new. There's not going to be any fence-sitting in the end times. We have to choose either for God or for ourselves. As for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. (Joshua 24:15b)

Regardless of what you did yesterday, today is a new day, and all of we Christians have work to do on our knees. We lost a battle, but we have not lost the war. We already know who wins that in the end. But in the meantime, we have some praying to do and more battles to fight. If you have not yet read http://focusfamaction.edgeboss.net/download/focusfamaction/pdfs/10-22-08_2012letter.pdf, please do so now. It is not a true letter, and doesn't claim to be, but rather is a possibility projected from current trends and promises following natural consequences. It's not as far-fetched as most of us would like to believe. We need to take action to prevent as many of the scenarios in this letter as we can. We need to repent on behalf of our nation and try to turn it from evil...A revival! We need to be prepared to welcome repentant people with open arms and help clear the rubble of a battle lost. And- this wise suggestion came from my 11 yr old son early this morning and then I heard it repeated elsewhere- we need to pray for wisdom for our new and continuing leaders... Many of them claim to be Christians. Pray they actually are, and that God opens their eyes and sets their hearts on fire for Him before they take actions that would be difficult or impossible to reverse. I hope none of the scenarios described in the letter come to pass, but I'm not willing to take a chance they will if there's anything that can be done to stop them. There are souls out there in the balance!

Father, we come before You, humbled and battle-weary. Some of us prayed and fasted and stood strong for biblical standards yesterday, but it wasn't enough. Some of us made the wrong choices, thinking we were doing "good" when in fact we were doing what seems wise in the eyes of man, but leads to death. Open the eyes of all our hearts, Lord, that we might see You and know the Truth. Forgive us our sins. Have mercy on those who know not what they do. Help us turn away from sin and back to You and Your ways. Stir a revival in Your church, Lord, that we might grow stronger from this and become a tool for You to reach out to the lost souls. Use this, as everything else, to the good of those who love You. We have chosen new leaders, and while those leaders are standing for unwise things, many claim they are Christians. Stir the consciences of those who truly are, prick their souls with guilt, that they may repent. Send someone to each of the ones who only think they are Christians, and show them what it means to be one in more than name only. Grant our new and continuing leaders with wisdom, so that they may see the errors of their ways and understand the consequences of the actions they plan to take. Have mercy on America. Please. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Whatever!

2008-10-09T17:09:00.003-04:00

Author's note: I told several people that I'm working on Proverbs 31 from the perspective of those who deal with chronic illness, and I am. I have one essay almost completed, and notes for the second one started. However, God keeps on teaching me in other areas,too, and I feel pushed to stop and write about those and post those as soon as possible, so consider this as a 'heads up' that the P31 essays may not be in uninterrupted order, but may be interspersed with other material. :-) Bear with me!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."
-Philippians 4:8

Is the glass half full for you, or is it half empty? Sometimes one or sometimes the other? Or both at once? For me, it's usually both, because I'm rather pragmatic by nature, always looking at the practical side of things and trying to be logically factual. Most of the time I think that's a good thing. I think I'd have made a good reporter by traditional standards, because I can see and understand both sides of most issues. My ability to be objective makes me a good mediator and peacemaker. You won't catch me lying or intentionally distorting the truth. This attitude carries far enough that I have gotten stuck on the common courtesy question of "How are you?" With frequent aches and pains, I have felt like I'm lying if I reply, "Fine!" yet I also know that the person asking rarely wants a full disclosure of the truth. :-) Sometimes, though, such a factual attitude can be hurtful if I'm not careful, I've learned.

The problem I've been running into is that in reporting, with equal weight, both sides of the glass' fill line (or giving more weight to the glass being half empty, in the case of more negative moods) is that I'm focusing too much on the things that fill me with discontentment and create a spirit of rebellion within me. I'm detracting from the joy that I get from my many blessings. I'm robbing myself of the positive attitude that makes the day go more smoothly, because positivity and negativity are contagious. I'm even hindering healing! A new friend pointed out to me that I was inadvertently hurting myself by claiming illness as a part of myself, as in "MY illness, MY pain, MY disease, etc." While we're called to rejoice in our sufferings because they help us grow stronger and more Christ-like and thus fill us with hope (Romans 5:3-4), claiming illness as part of ourselves is taking that the wrong direction, for by doing so, we aren't growing through it, but are getting ourselves stuck in it. We lose any hope of being healed, because we're hanging onto this thing we've made a part of ourselves, have accepted into ourselves, and have decided that this is the way it's going to be from here on out, sometimes in the name of "accepting reality" as our society tells us we ought. How can we rejoice if we have lost hope? Cannot God change "reality"? Does He not provide healing? Of course He can and does! With God, all things are possible, if we believe! (Mark 9:23)

Now I'm not saying we should deny the truth of our experiences. I believe it's okay to say that we're struggling with this pain or that physical challenge, as long as we don't take possession of it, for how can we ask for help or healing if we don't? I'm not advocating being a false witness in denying that something is going on when it is. But I plan to take captive all my thoughts on such things (2 Cor. 10:5) to make sure I don't close the door on what is possible for God by talking myself right into unbelief, and make certain that I'm not aiding the enemy in keeping me stuck within the trials and tribulations that come my way! I plan to be more careful about the words I use to describe my health or any other area of difficulty, and I'm hard at work changing my own inner self-talk. Instead of cataloguing everything that I'm feeling (and at times I've been prone to pity parties, I admit it!), I'm noting what needs attention, doing whatever I can to take care of myself, then handing the rest over to the Lord, the Great Physician, in prayer. Once I've done that, I move on to thinking about what is good, focusing on the positive, enjoying the half of the glass that is full, and singing God's praises for everything (well, at least in my head, for I've learned not to add to my family's suffering by singing out loud in their hearing very often, since I can't carry a tune in a paper bag to save my life! LOL)

I have stopped referring to myself as being chronically ill, though I acknowledge that my health isn't as good as it ought to be. I have begun answering that question of "How are you?" with a reply of "Good enough!" for if I'm able to be around people who can ask that, then I'm doing well enough to be out and about. I have stopped expecting that I am always going to feel bad, or even that I'm going to feel bad when I wake up in the morning or after I do this or that. I have stopped complaining to my family about all the aches and pains, and it's been noticed... They aren't looking so gloomy and anxious these days. I'm seeing more smiles and a little bounce in their steps, even as they're still considerate about taking my needs into account. And something absolutely wonderful is happening to me, too... I'm feeling better! Much better than I used to think I could! I haven't been blessed with complete healing yet, despite earnest prayers both from me and from others on my behalf, but I have some additional thoughts on that and still have hope that eventually I will be so blessed. In the meantime, I am accomplishing more than I have in a long time. My days are full and my nights are more restful. Life is good. There's plenty of noble, lovely and praiseworthy things to think about.

Whatever! :-)

Father, thank you for giving us so many good, praiseworthy things to think about; for giving us so many blessings to focus on! Thank you for Your promise that all things are possible with You, if we believe, including full healing of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual lives. Help us with our unbelief, and heal us according to Your good plan for us: Your plan to prosper us and give us a hope and a future, and not to harm us. Teach us to remain focused on You, always, for only You are always true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. Teach us to see Your touch on our lives and on the world around us, that we might not be overwhelmed by the things that are not of You, including pain and suffering. Build in us thankful, joyful and hope-filled hearts, so that we may shine with Your light even while we're in the midst of trials and tribulations. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Hurry Up and Wait

2008-10-01T21:46:00.005-04:00

Author's note: This is the last of my archived pieces, but one, which I won't post until closer to Christmas, since that is its subject. From here on out, excepting that Christmas piece, it's going to be all new writing. I owe my readers an apology, few though they are... I've put off writing since getting back to the US, arguing that I just didn't have the time for it now that I had housework to do and an additional child to care for, but looking at the way I use my time, I can see I've let time studying and writing about God's Word slide in favor of much less important things. Caring for the home and family are very important, of course, but there were other things that I've been doing that haven't been, including wasting time on the internet and in emails that could be better used in other activities, including studies and writing. That's going to change. I owe it to God, I owe it to myself and my family, and I owe it to anyone who can benefit from reading about my journey of faith, for Titus 2:4-5 admonishes us to teach those who are younger (including in the faith) to do what we have learned to do through our journey through God's Word. Back to this piece... It, too, was written the summer before we went to a new post in 2005.

Life has recently put my family in an awkward position. We’re a family who serves our country within the diplomatic community overseas. We’re between posts, wanting to go back overseas to continue serving as we have for the past six years, but having to wait until we obtain medical clearance before we can, a tricky feat considering our two year old was only recently diagnosed with not one, but two rare disorders, one causing the other. He appears to be doing fine, and the emotional turmoil that we’ve endured these past few months over his condition is a faith story all by itself, and not what I’m writing about right now. Rather, because the government is what it is, we’re finding it necessary to see doctor after doctor to gather all the minutiae about Ben’s condition and expected medical needs over the next few years so that the government can decide whether or not we’re all fit to safely live overseas. All these trips to doctors’ offices and hospital laboratories for consultations and tests have made day to day life very chaotic lately. The phrase that comes to mind is “Hurry up and wait!” We scramble to get three kids dressed, fed, and in the car, along with a properly stocked diaper bag and all pertinent medical files, negotiate traffic while consulting directions and maps, hurrying to get to our appointed locations on time. Then we wait. That’s the hard part. We get in, see the doctors or do the tests, go back to the hotel, and wait some more for answers or further instructions. Again we feel impatient.
Meanwhile, we have no idea where we’ll be going from here. If we get approval, we’ll be going back overseas. If not, we’ll have to settle down here in the US. Normally in times of transition, I’m the sort of person who is busily preparing for the next stage of our lives. It’s one of the ways that I deal with the stress of change, making myself ready for whatever lies ahead. But it’s hard to prepare for something when you don’t know what you’re preparing for! If I knew we’d be going overseas, I’d be shopping for things I know I’ll need there. If I knew we’d be staying in the US, I’d be taking steps to find us a place to live and a car to buy. In both cases, I’d be submitting changes of address to everyone who needed to know. Right now I can’t do any of that. For the first time in my life, I find myself in a position where I not only have to acknowledge that I have no control, but I have to accept that there’s nothing I can do to prepare for whatever lies ahead either. It’s sort of like sitting in a doctors’ office waiting room on a big scale. It’s been frustrating, a little frightening, maddening... and enlightening.
Most of us, I think, want to take control of things, fix things, organize things… anything to feel like we have some power over what happens to us. As Christians, we know that such feelings of power are illusions, of course, as ultimately God is the only One who really has any true power, but we take comfort in that illusion whenever and wherever we can, I believe, especially when our own bodies make us feel powerless. We don’t like feeling helpless. We want to DO something, MAKE something happen. It’s hard to just sit and wait. Hard to be still.
Exodus tells us the story of Israel being led out of slavery in Egypt. Chapter 14 describes how the Pharaoh changed his mind about letting the Israelites go and sent his army after them, trapping them between the army, the desert and the sea. This was definitely a situation in which the people no doubt felt a strong desire to DO something! There were probably all sorts of knee-jerk ideas about how to deal with this frightening problem, from surrendering in the hope of having their lives spared, even though that would put them back into the slavery that God was leading them out of; to fighting with anything they could find to use as a weapon (how successful do you suppose they’d be fighting with yokes and cooking pots?); to fleeing into the desert, abandoning all their possessions and provisions, which would have led to slow, certain death. None of these options were really workable. The people turned to Moses in a panic, and what did he tell them they should do? He responded, “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Ex 14:14) Wow! Talk about needing to trust in the Lord! Their trust was well placed, however, and they were saved in a miraculous way when God blocked the army with a pillar of fire and opened an escape route through the sea. To finish the job with remarkable finality, He then drowned the army, eliminating threat from that direction altogether. Why did He do this? For His glory, Exodus 14:4 tells us. He made it clear throughout Exodus that those He had mercy on would be taken care of, provided for in every way, while those who invoked His wrath would be punished. (Rom 9:17, 22-23)
Even when we’re not in such life-threatening situations as this, it’s still hard for us to just step aside and let the Lord work His will in our lives. But Psalm 37:7 tells us to “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Do you know what I think? I think sometimes God finds it necessary to “trap” us in order to get us to “be still” while He does what needs to be done, or teaches us what we need to know. After all, He placed the Israelites in the position of having to trust Him (Ex 14:1-4). I suspect He still does that today, though perhaps in a less dramatic way. Maybe instead of getting frustrated over my powerlessness, I should accept that I’ve done all I can for myself for now, and so need to be still and wait on the Lord while He fights my battles or whatever else He chooses to do for me. That puts “hurry up and wait” in a different light, don’t you think?

Father, I thank you for fighting for me. What a comfort it is, to know that I am so well protected by One who loves me so much! For if You are for me, who can stand against me? Thank you for all those times you've "trapped" me, encouraging me to be still while You do whatever needs done to further Your good plans. Help me to be quietly trusting and to wait upon You in the future when You find it necessary to corner me again. In Jesus' name, Amen.

This I Know

2008-09-24T20:01:00.005-04:00

Author's note: This is another piece of writing from my archives. It was written during the summer of 2005, while our family was jumping through hoops to meet Uncle Sam's demands for medical testing on our then 3yr old, who has a relatively rare medical problem, to make sure he was fit to go overseas for our new foreign service posting. It was a very stressful time for us, but it was also a faith-building time... Funny how that often happens in times of stress. :-) This item was eventually published in The Encourager.

The popular children’s Sunday school song goes “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” I don’t know about anyone else, but simply reading something doesn’t make it feel real to me. Nor does it make it feel personal. John 3:16 tells us that God created the whole salvation plan because He so loved the world. For me, that always seemed a bit impersonal, because I sure don’t equate myself with the rest of the world… A bit egocentric of me, I know. It has taken developing a personal relationship with the Lord, over time, to convince me that He loves me for myself and not just as part of His collective creativity. Recently, though, the depth of that love took on a new meaning for me.
There’s something about having the whole family cooped up together in a hotel room or a car for an extended amount of time that really pushes one’s buttons until loving one another becomes more a matter of commitment than of feeling. No matter how good the relationships are the rest of the time, I think even the best of them can start to get the best of us. Add in a plethora of strangers from doctors’ offices, restaurants, stores, and on the street, plus a hefty dose of stress on top of that, and it seems the whole world starts to get the better of us as we begin to long for some solitude far away from every two-legged creature capable of voicing demands or expressing opinions. Both my husband and I started finding ourselves amazed… no, make that flabbergasted… at just how stupid and strange human beings can be in general. I found myself commenting to him, “What does God see in us humans, anyway?!” And suddenly I got a glimpse of a love so great as to be beyond my understanding, and it would have brought me to my knees if I’d been standing.
Psalm 139:13-16 explains to us that God created our inmost being, and that we’re fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God saw our unformed bodies and all our days were written in His book long before our birth. To put it in other words, He knew us before we were formed in the womb, before we were born (Jer 1:5). Yet we were born anyway.
Picture this: a husband and wife spending a romantic evening together, perhaps having a candlelit dinner with dancing, and then just as they’re prepared to enter the bedroom, a messenger arrives to tell them that if they go through that bedroom door, they will conceive a child who will wreck their home; push their marriage to the limits of its commitment; get in their way and interfere in every project they undertake; cause them unimaginable heartache; AND will require great pain and suffering on the part of the parents to redeem the child’s life… How many couples do you know would still be in the mood? Even if this couple were also told all the wonderful things about such a child, I think in most cases there’d be a lot of nights ending with one spouse on the couch!
God could have chosen not to create us. He could have chosen to create only people who fit a certain set of criteria. He could have chosen to create only people that He knew weren’t going to cause Him a moment’s heartache, and would have made perfect choices to follow His plan at all times. He knew Adam and Eve were going to break His heart, but He created them anyway. Ditto for everyone else we read about in the Bible… Even those described as being faithful and after His heart made mistakes. Not one human has been perfect except Jesus Himself, and God has loved them all anyway.
That’s equally true today, with you and me. I’ve often wondered what good I am, wondered why I’m here, especially when chronic illness keeps me from doing anything that seems of any significance to me. I’ve been guilty of feeling worthless enough to think that the world God so loves means everybody except me, particularly if I’m feeling sorry for myself on a bad day. But God knew all along the sins I would commit over the course of my lifetime. He knew how often I was going to get in the way of His good work, necessitating a correction in the scheme of things to keep His plan on track. And He knew I’d be facing physical and emotional limitations that would keep me from being much in my own eyes. He knew all along just what sort of person I was going to be, all the details, good and bad. And He allowed me to be born anyway. That’s love. It’s a love beyond my understanding, but as long as God knows why He loves me, it’s good enough for me. So I sing with great joy, Jesus loves me, this I know!

Father, I thank you so very much for loving me, just as I am. I thank you that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Your loving hand, and only the fallen world, and Your plan to build my character, has put these flaws- perceived and real- upon my body like battle scars. I thank you for making me who I am today, and thank you even more for making me who I will be tomorrow, for You aren't finished with me yet. Help me to be all that You have planned me to be. Shape me into a person after Your own heart, that I may bring You more joy than heartache. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.

God is Bigger

2008-09-19T22:44:00.004-04:00

Author's note: This, too, was written in either '03 or '04, but was never published. I don't know if anyone will find this useful or not, but just in case...

"What's the matter, Mommy?" my little boy asked me one day when he noticed that I was distracted, not looking very happy, and was repeatedly sighing, rubbing my forehead to relieve the tension headache I was getting.
"Oh, nothing you need to worry about. Mommy's just trying to figure some things out."
"What's worry?" he asked.
I thought for a moment, trying to choose words that he would understand, and said, "Well, it's sort of like being afraid. Not because of something really scarey, but because you don't know what's going to happen or how."
Thinking of Matthew 6:25-34, I added, "God tells us not to worry, because it doesn't help. Instead, we need to trust Him that He'll take care of us because we're really important to Him, and to put our time and energy into something better, like serving Him and trying to be more like Him."
"Is that what you're doing, Mommy? Worrying?"
I laughed, because he was right. "Yes, I guess I am! It's hard to stop, though."
"Well, I know what you should do," he replied.
"What's that, Sweetie?" I asked my "wise-beyond-his-years" little philosopher.
"Well, when I'm scared, I do what you told me to do. I sing that 'God is Bigger' song, then I don't feel scared anymore. If worry is sort of like being scared, then maybe the song will make you feel better too!"
My son was referring to the Veggie Tales video Where Is God When I'm S-s-scared? and in it, there's a song that Bob and Larry teach Junior about God being bigger than any boogie man or monster, and that He's watching out for us. You know, it's been years since my little boy gave me that advice, but he was right. It still works today. God isn't just bigger than monsters and other frightening things. He's also bigger than any problem or stressful situation we could ever encounter. When I find myself starting to worry about things, getting stressed in a way that isn't helping the situation, I find myself humming that catchy little song, and then the problems don't seem so big anymore. Any song, poem, or verse that turns our minds toward God, and reminds us that God is bigger than all our problems combined, can be a great tool to pull out when we find ourselves worrying and stressing out about things that are beyond our control. These reminders put us back into the right frame of mind, and then we're ready to pray about our worries and stressors, hand God's work back to Him, and prepare ourselves to get busy with the things we can take care of. The Serenity Prayer; the hymn "What a Friend We Have in Jesus"; the verse Matt 6:33, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well," any of these are possible substitutes for the Veggie Tales song. Whatever works for you. It's a simple way to reduce stress, so simple that a child saw the solution. In our overly complicated world, I think simple solutions are the best ones of all!

Father, I thank you that no problem is too big for You, and that You won't let any problem become bigger than I can bear. I thank you there is no need for me to fear or worry, for You are in control at all times, and will use everything to the good of those who love You. Help me to trust You, to remember to seek first Your kingdom, always, and to take great comfort from keeping my focus on You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Sarah Laughed: What Will You Do?

2008-09-15T12:28:00.002-04:00

Author's note: This is another item I wrote in 2003 that was later published in The Encourager. Again, I post it in case someone can take encouragement from it...

We read in Genesis 18:10-12 how Sarah, Abraham’s wife, reacted when she heard that she was to become a mother in her advanced years. She was a woman past child-bearing age, had never had any children, and was in her nineties (Gen 17:17). She laughed. And well she might, for she described herself as already “worn out”, yet anyone who has ever cared for a baby knows that it’s exhausting work. After restless days and nights from the discomforts of late pregnancy, there’s the grueling labor of bringing the child into the world. Then there’s the frequent interruptions in one’s days and nights as the helpless little baby needs fed, changed, comforted and made comfortable, all while returning to one’s regular duties of daily living. In Sarah’s case, without the assistance of modern conveniences, I might add.
We laugh for many reasons, not just for joy. We also laugh when we’re shocked, confused, and even when we’re frightened but not sure if we should be. While Sarah surely felt joy at the thought of becoming a mother, she no doubt also felt incredulous (“You’ve GOT to be kidding!”) and possibly even a little frightened (“How am I going to handle having a baby at my age?!”)
But God had a plan, and Sarah’s age and physical condition had little to do with it. As the Lord Himself reminded Abraham in verse 14, “Is anything too hard for the LORD?” God has plans for all of us, even if we’re chronically ill and “worn out.” Like Sarah, our physical condition has little to do with it. We may find ourselves being called to some mission that seems ridiculously beyond our capabilities or even one that causes us to fear for what health we have left; a mission that may have us laughing in disbelief, joy or fright, or perhaps even crying. The Bible gives us several promises to lean on if this happens. We have the promise of strength in Philippians 4:13, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” We can take reassurance from the promise in Jeremiah 29:11, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” We can take confidence from 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Sarah submitted to the Lord’s plans, despite her age and weariness, and knew joy when His promise was fulfilled (Gen 21:6.) If we submit to God’s calling, despite our illness, we too can know joy when our obedience produces fruit. Sarah laughed. What will you do?

Father, I thank you that we needn't fear any task that you call us to do, that you will give us the strength and grace to complete it, and that you will not let us be harmed in any lasting way by our missions. Give us the wisdom to know the difference between great tasks that you're calling us to do and those that we're imposing on ourselves (or allowing others to impose on us), for the former we'll be able to do in Christ, while the latter may overtask our already weakened bodies to our detriment. Help us to find joy in being called in spite of our infirmities, so that we laugh in delight, rather than shocked disbelief. In Christ's name, Amen.

Stepping Out in Faith

2008-09-12T09:58:00.003-04:00

Author's note: The following was written in 2003, and later published in a newsletter for chronically ill Christians called The Encourager. I'm adding it to the blog in case it is something that would be of encouragement to a wider audience. I'll be doing this with other writings I've submitted over the years as well.

In Genesis 12:1-25:18, the Bible tells us Abraham’s story, how God called him from his homeland to go to a new place that God had set aside for him and his descendants. Abraham had to leave behind everything and everyone he knew, taking only his possessions and his family. He had to step out in faith, trusting in God that where he was going would be better than what he left.
It occurs to me that we’re all on a similar journey when it comes to dealing with the changes that being chronically ill has created in our lives. Despite our illnesses, we are called to run with perseverance the race marked out for us (Heb 12:1), and that’s hard to do, literally or figuratively, when you’re ill.
I read once that many of us are like roller coasters, pushing to the top of the hill with everything we’ve got, and then crashing down to the bottom when we’ve pushed too far. On the other hand, I think many of us are like kiddie rides that just move around in small circles, going nowhere fast, for fear that we’ll only make ourselves sicker if we do more than the bare minimum needed to survive. Then more of us, I suspect, are like me, vacillating between the two extremes with an all or nothing mentality. Both extremes are damaging, whether we’re abusing our bodies beyond their capabilities, or allowing them to whither and atrophy. Neither lifestyle honors God or the temporary temples He’s loaned us (1 Cor. 6:19-20). But how does this compare to Abraham?
When God called Abraham to leave his home to go to a new place, he didn’t shout “Hot-diggity-dog Let’s make tracks ” and go running off into the desert with nothing but the clothing on his back. There weren’t restaurants on every corner, nor a “Wal-get” just around the next bend where he could pick up whatever he forgot to bring. It took planning to make sure they had what they needed all along the way. And when they needed to stop for a while, they did. They didn’t even take a direct route, but rather one that followed the rivers so they’d have water.
Neither did Abraham say “I don’t know about this… It doesn’t seem such a good idea,” all while worrying about the “what-if’s.” It could have been so easy for him to justify staying right where he was, choosing to keep what he already had, and forfeiting the promise of something better. After all, traveling back then was quite perilous, and certainly uncomfortable.
Abraham stepped out in faith, did what needed to be done to make the journey, rested when it was necessary, and eventually made it to the promised land and received God’s blessing. He traded all he had left behind for something far better. Perhaps we could find a way to do the same in the way we deal with our illnesses. Perhaps there’s a way we can find something workable between roller coasters and kiddie rides. How about a ferris wheel: slowly rising up to new challenges, enjoying the view from the top for a moment, and gently descending into a period of rest before we rise up again? Whatever we do, breaking out of our destructive habits will include stepping out of our comfort zones and trying something new, and trusting that if we do it for the right reasons, to honor God, that we’ll find ourselves trading up for something better.

Father, I thank you that You always give us something better when You ask us to give up something, no matter how much we may resist doing so. Give us the courage to willingly hand over everything we value and trust You to replace it with whatever You wish us to have instead, and give us the wisdom to know that Your way really is better. Give us the strength to follow the path you lay before us, and keep us hoping in the Promised Land at the end of the journey! In Christ's name, Amen!

Release Me!

2008-09-11T17:44:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday, our pastor was sharing the latest of a series of sermons on the life of Old Testament Joseph (Genesis 37 & 39-47). It was a message I needed to hear. This particular sermon was focusing on Genesis chapter 40, in which Joseph was in prison after being falsely accused of attacking his employer's wife, and while there, he interprets the dreams of two fellow prisoners, one of whom is predicted to be released and returned to his position as the Pharaoh's cupbearer. He asked the cupbearer to remember him to the Pharaoh, to tell Pharaoh his story of unjust imprisonment, and ask for his release. The cupbearer was released, just as Joseph said he would be, but forgot about Joseph for two full years afterwards, before telling Pharaoh about him when Pharaoh had dreams of his own in need of interpretation. Our pastor was talking about what Joseph's thoughts and attitudes must have been... How easy it would have been to become discouraged, angry, and hopeless. Yet Joseph is described throughout his story as having remained faithful and praising God, of displaying good attitude and a good work ethic at a time when most people would be inclined to sulk. I found this message very convicting, for I, too, feel as if I'm imprisoned wrongly, only within a body that doesn't do what I want it to do, and charges me a high price when I do more than it will tolerate. Being chronically ill with no answers or healing in sight can and has made me feel discouraged, angry and hopeless at times. And it gets especially so when others "forget" me, either by not taking my situation seriously (as many do when there aren't any easy answers or fixes), or simply by moving on with their own lives and forgetting to occasionally invite me into it, even though I often have to decline such invitations (it's still nice to be asked!) I need to remember that God never forgets! He still has a plan for me, and will release me from this physical prison when His time is right for it, whether it will be in this life or the next. I need to keep the hope alive because of that promise, for hope is what keeps us going and lends power to a good attitude. Yet, I don't know when God's time for such release will come, and this isn't really my life to waste (since all good things come from Him) so I need to make the most of every day in spite of my limitations, rather than sit around expectantly waiting for a "better tomorrow" before trying to live my life. With that in mind, I've decided to do my best to keep on hoping that maybe this is the day I will be released from my ever-present pain and fatigue, but to forge ahead as if that release won't be coming anytime soon. When my Lord comes to unlock my prison door, I want Him to find me productive, content with my lot, and praising Him even before I know He's at the door, so that release is purely bonus.

Father, I thank you that we have such good examples in the Bible from which to learn. And I thank you that the Bible is full of Your promises; promises we know we can count on in Your good time. Thank You, Lord, in advance for the release You will give us from our prisons. In the meantime, help us to live each day to the fullest in service to You and those You have blessed us with for a time. Give us the strength and grace to do what You would have us do, and to do it cheerfully, with good attitude and a good work ethic. In Jesus' name, Amen.